Autism Day.....same as yesterday!

April 2nd was Autism Awareness Day.  I had grand notions of links and diatribes, explanations, moving stories and emotive words.  I had my blue light bulb.  I was poised, ready.  I was about to tell you all about the enormity, the dignity and the need to pay attention.  Then I awoke.

Screams, hollers, toilet paper strewn around the house, demands for hot dogs for breakfast and oppositional defiance that makes a rock look argumentative. Out of control hyperactivity, little bodies squeezing me so hard it was beyond a hug and my kidney's were texting me to be donated.  As a sensory introvert, you may as well scrape those nails on the chalk board already.  In fact, I spent the ensuing hours playing zone defense; tag team is not just a sports analogy you know.  Somewhere in the middle one of the unholy trinity made it to therapy. It was a miracle anyone was fed today.

This is not everyday, however it's not an unusual day for me.  I can handle the large hurdles like Atlas, shoulder it and muddle on.  It's the little things that tear me down, like muscle torn with each overextended stretch.  The need to be more than parent, provider and caregiver.  It's when I have to be Father as well as Mother, when I have to be confident, best friend, play mate, punching bag and the most hated thing on the planet.  Most hated, because I love them so much I can say "No!" and stick to it.  Yes, sound like Neurotypical parenthood, doesn't it?  Now add the bubbles to the bath water.  That's autism, your typical world, effervescent, hissing, bubbling and frothing.

Aware!  Oh yes, I am aware, I have been aware for about 12 years now.  I am extremely aware that tomorrow my 8 year old son, officially diagnosed with Autism this year has to be sedated completely for a small filling.  That's $400 of awareness with dental insurance.  Autism is not aware, it is heedless.  It's agenda  is blinkered and unrelenting.  To be aware is something, to battle the heedless is noble and ironically also relentless.