The Grandfather Factor

I'm not sure if many are aware when reading my blog, but I am not a US citizen.  I was raised in Ireland with a college stint in England.  Living here in the US with three decidedly American children I am afforded an interesting perspective on both parenting, special needs parenting and mixing cultures in general.

Obviously, grandparents play a unique role in the life of the child, regardless of ability, even more so when that grandparent is from another country.  This week my father is visiting from Ireland.  He is by no means the classic epitome of stereotypical grandfather.  He is a relatively young grandparent, not yet 60, and my children will be his only grand kids as I am his only child.  He loves them of course in his own way, but he is as clueless today about the peculiarities of childhood and childhood things as he was when I was a girl.  Add into the mix three very different kids with three very different, singular needs.  It's taken a good decade for him to finally understand these children are indeed not typical and about as long to realize he is Poppa and not merely Frank.

Having said all that, having this extra generation under the roof, infringing on our already precarious routine and day to day stepping stone existence is both unnerving and frustrating.  Unlike my Mother who slots herself into our lives effortlessly, pitching in where necessary and happily riding along with the flotsam and jetsam of our goings on, my father is more stagnant, expectant, rigid.  He needs as much interaction and entertaining as the kids do.  While I am glad to see the bond grow between Jacob, Cormac and Hannah and their youthful Grandfather, by the same token I find myself irritated by his inability to notice when a friendly tease can turn treacherous or when he brushes off a meltdown as nothing when his actions or in-actions caused it.

It is so easy to fall into old grumblings and honestly, unrealistic expectations for him and who I need him to be in my and my three darlings' lives.  This trip though, I catch myself; who am I to draw what his relationship needs to be between he and Jake, Cormac and Hannah?  In that regard all I can do is nudge them all gently towards each other, step back, observe and wait.  This is their journey, all four of them.  I am but the facilitator and gentle guide.