I started following a few blogs, twitter and facebok pages recently as April was Autism awareness month. For the most part I found a great deal of supportive and real life "Aha" experiences. However, I also found a great deal of those that posted how they wouldn't change their children or family member's one iota. This got me thinking, in fact it got me soul searching.
Of course I know and accept my children (Jacob-12, ASD, BP, ADHD, etc etc; Cormac-8, Aspergers, SPD, etc etc; Hannah-5, Adhd, SPD) are perfect as they are as that is the way they are made....hard wired so to speak. I was left thinking. My two boys really, I mean REALLY struggle with peer interactions. Neither have "friends" outside of school relationships and even then it's heavily patrolled and orchestrated by a wonderful school.
However, the pressure is on by the Autie world at large to accept them to the point that I push away all else. I'm not sure I can, in fact I know I can't. Of course I embrace their unique perspective on the world; I learn more than any Professor with a Phd some days, just during dinner. However, I also catch their pain, their loneliness, their isolation. Some days, like today, when my cup has been mentally and emotionally drained I am guilty of snapping, pushing away and after I calm down feeling like a complete failure.
I know tomorrow my cup will be full again, I will accept and embrace again, but please no one judge me because when it's empty I just need some space, a break, or even a dumb joke on twitter. Autism is a double edged sword.
You're an excellent Mom. You do a great job with your three.
ReplyDeleteWe all have stress and we all overreact, from time to time. We all need downtime.
Get some peace.